My Space

This sign says so much to my heart that I'd like to have one designed so I could wear it with every outfit I own. Maybe if I wore it on my being people would be more aware of limits that each one of us possess. I was taught as a young child that we all have spaces. These spaces vary in size and most people aren't comfortable letting others into this space. The space I speak of is that area around each of our beings that belongs to us. When people come to close and aren't invited into my space, I become very uncomfortable. But I really think most people know where these boundaries lie. But for those few that just don't understand that my space near my body is mine, a sign like the one above would be welcomed as an added accessory.

When woman step into my space it's mostly just an annoyance. But when a male gender person violates my space it can make me extremely angry or paranoid. Tonight I became paranoid. I've thought many times I would write a book because of all the ideas that roam my mind and tonight I think maybe I'll write a book on "our space and the rules". I would write that you have to be invited into my space and you can't just move in, even a close vicinity to my space without getting a reaction from me. Tonight I think my reaction should have been a slap to the face and not just words to tell you to move. And even if your space isn't as protected as mine is, someone failed to teach you the manners that include not touching or pressing your body close to mine. I think tomorrow I will start my book and when it's finished, the first copy will belong to you...complements of me....or maybe just a good nights sleep will calm this old lady's phobias and put them to rest.

The Beginning

After long hours of darkness and little sleep this picture shows
good news is about to happen....beginning of a new day. The promise of a new day is so refreshing after fighting sleeplessness. The nights seem to drag on forever, but when the first glimpse of daylight begin to show itself, I rejoice. I have another day given to me to begin anew. So many things in life don't make sense or have become so painful, but nothing is as refreshing as a new day's light.....thank God for another chance.

Signs, Signs.......

Signs, Signs everywhere a sign
Blocking out the scenery breaking my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign
(5 Man Electric Band)

It's almost been 5 years I've been
living on my own. I walk most places in town
and just the last few weeks I've noticed so many signs...they are










everywhere...telling me where I am, what I must do and can't do...
and even one telling me what to watch out for. With all this

available information why am I still feeling so very lost? Maybe I'm looking in all the wrong places for direction or maybe I'm not looking at all. For most of my life I have been told when and where to live my life and now that I am on my own and my youngest is soon heading to college....I am facing the reality of what it is to be completely on my own. With all the signs giving me direction, I'm not feeling guided at all. Then it hit me the other day....as I sat with my 92 year old aunt that had just lost her husband of 72 years. Several people were in her hospital room and all talking about the same time. Making plans and paying more attention to details of the funeral, I look across the room at my Aunt Vi and through her tears, she winks at me. I smiled a bit and winked back....and then it happened, she smiled back. Direction....she gave me direction. She had just lost her husband and I live unmarried and we connected through the heart....she understood my pain and I understood hers....her wink gave me direction....don't give up just because we are alone, we are connected at the heart, we have each other.

Summer Began Last Night

I know it's only April 12th and summer doesn't officially arrive
until June 21, 2010 7:23 a.m. but it visited my house last night at approximately 6:45 p.m. That's when the coals were ready
to grill out the first hamburgers of the season.....Oh does summer ever taste good! :)

Blowing Smoke

I read an article this morning of how when we are called to Heaven we may possibly be allowed to scoff at just how silly the Evil One tried to ruin God's plans in Isaiah 14:16-17 "Those who see you stare at you [Satan], they ponder your fate: "Is this the man who shook the earth and made kingdoms tremble, the man who made the world a desert, who overthrew its cities and would not let his captives go home?"

This opened my thoughts to see just how messed up that some of the events in my life are nothing more than Satan "blowing smoke" to set fear in my heart. To get me to believe I am ruined as a person, or my life is of no value. I wrote this today to my son who is in prison: "this puts a different perspective on what power Satan has on us...to think that we will someday look at him and say "I was scared of that?" But the power he seems to have right now...I can so easily get afraid of what this evil one could do that it paralyzes me to the point of not being of any use for God, but when I think about how he is really just making illusions appear in situations, it makes it seem easier to get through life. But the chaos he can send our way is pretty painful at times...just like your time in prison, what a whirlwind of a mess for you now, but in the realm of all eternity you may even laugh in Satan's face when you step through Heaven's gates to see that it was all worth it and how God used you there to touch others and helping them see their eternal needs. I know you are in a hard place, but God can use you in this, just like he can use me going through my life feeling alone....it has made me more aware of how deeply others are hurting. So please keep on trusting my son and don't give up hope. Please stay in touch with God for he understands our hearts, that's what it's all about. I am trying also, even though I know my actions and thoughts aren't always pleasing to him, He still loves me and longs for me to stay in contact with Him...He wants to be our best friend. Please don't forget you are there in prison on a mission, to step in where God may not be able to go and be light to those that feel hopeless in life. That's all we are asked of, to be usable...nothing more. I love you so much and so very proud to call you my son." Mom :)

Days in Fear

I'm 51 years old and have seen a lot in life. I've had hard times and lots of good. This past couple of weeks has had it's share of stress and worry. My mother has always taught me I have a guardian angel always watching over me. I became a Christian as a small child and can say I know I have God's watchful eye over me and a peace in my heart. But this week, I wavered a bit on my belief of God's ability to make something good out of something so wrong or bad. I received the phone call after having my mammogram. They informed me I needed to come back and have more testing done. A lump had been found. I cried the first 24 hours off and on, but the few days that followed my mind seemed to be off somewhere besides the present. I was given the awareness of what really mattered in my life and all my children were so supportive and actually prayed for my strength to get through whatever I had to face. I stopped longer to listen to people's answers when I asked "how are you?" I looked up longer to see the clouds, the newly arrival of the tree buds and songbirds. I walked with an awareness that people mattered more than things. My youngest son drove me to the clinic early Thursday morning and we chatted and listened to music of my teen years. I situated myself for the ultra sound and had one of the nicest technical person talk me through the procedure. What seemed like all day but were mere minutes, the technician returned with the news that I had nothing to worry about it was only a fluid cyst. I am to return next year for a follow up. My stress melted away on the ride home with my son. I've been given more time to enjoy life to it's fullest and I plan on keeping my head held high and enjoy the wonderful gifts that have been given to me, that being my children and my grandchildren. God, I want to just tell you thanks for allowing me not to have to face the battle and fear of cancer.

God Does Have a Sense of Humor

Can you tell what this is? If I hadn't taken the picture myself I would never believed it. This mystery picture is of the beginning stage of something God created. I looks nothing like it will in the end...it's sort of like my life. Mostly like the inside of me....somewhat unrecognizable until the finished product will be revealed in the end. This creation of God will be in it's final stages in just a few short weeks, but the end result will be completely different from what it started out as. I just pray I can say the same for myself....that I will be completely different and better than when I started out. I'll keep you posted with pictures of what this strange item will eventually become.....stay tuned....and as for me, well it may take many more years for you to see the final outcome, I just pray I am changed into a more loving and useful person for Christ.

This is the beginning of a pine cone.....imagine :)

Life is Good in Pink

With so much going on in the world, I need a place to sit back and gather my thoughts. It takes time to comprehend all that is happening in the world and in my life. When given the time, I find that place with my pink laptop and a cup of strong coffee in my pink mug. I can sit for hours writing in my journal and reading all about people and far away places. Friends come in and out of my life by social networking . I am connecting with classmates I have not seen in almost 30 years. I send encouragement to my son so far from home. I connect with my daughter and granddaughter that live on the other side of the world. My little living room becomes a crossroad of so many lives. Many tears are cried over my keyboard but also many hours of laughter and contentment as I interact with people. When life becomes crazy and seems hopeless, I find comfort with friends and family with my pink laptop and coffee in a beautiful pink mug.